During the month of November, we highlight how thankful we are for recovery, though we are obviously thankful for it every single day. However, recovery is not just for the addict. It's also for the loved ones behind the scenes.

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Wendy Messner, Founder and Executive Director of Rage Against Addiction, shares a powerful story below about a former co-worker with whom she recently got back in touch.

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When we think of recovery, we think of the addict or alcoholic’s chaotic journey, and we are so thankful when they finally reach a place of sobriety!  That is what it’s all about: seeing them doing the recovery thing. Those who have not experienced a loved one fighting substance abuse could assume the story ends there, but those of us who love the one struggling know that recovery is a new beginning. It isn’t just for them but for us too.   

 

I recently reconnected with a former coworker and newfound friend through Facebook. I remember the day we met; I was seated next to him in a training class and shortly after the class ended, we began communicating by email and talking on the phone about our mutual customer.  

 

The story could have easily stopped there but Joe and I had something unique in common: we both had children who struggled with addiction.  Logistically, we didn’t live near each other, but in reality, we were living in the same alternate universe. I say this because when you have a loved one that is addicted and struggles with substance abuse disorder, you feel like you’re not living the same life as those around you. And the truth is, you’re not. You often feel isolated and lonely.

 

Joe's son began his battle at a relatively early age. “He was 18, couldn’t hold a job, and was drinking more then he should,” he recalls. "After my divorce, it seemed to get worse.  Looking back, I think I was enabling because I was feeling sympathetic to what he was going through.  I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t let anyone in. No one knew, outside of the family,” Joe reminisces. “Wendy, you’re the only one I told at the time.”   

 

As I think back to that time, I remember our conversations; they were a mix of work and checking in with each other on the unspoken topic that was the background of our lives.  We both realized then that we could only share with people who could relate to what we were going through.  Everyone else simply could not understand the roller coaster that we were on.

 

At some point, Joe and I lost touch but Joe’s journey with his son continued on its own unique path. “When he left rehab, I decided I was going to be there for him so I took FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act time) and left my job,” he said. “I stayed home for about five or six months. I eventually lost my job, and lost friends and my life as I knew it.  But I wasn’t going to let him go it alone.” 

 

I cry as I write this; my heart overflows because my friend created what his son desperately needed: a recovery home and a support system.  Today his son is four years into his recovery.  Joe reminded me of John 15:13 from The Bible: “there is no greater love than to lay down your life for another person.”

 

Many of us know the inner workings of loving an addict or alcoholic, and we are no stranger to trauma, shame, and PTSD. Like our addicted loved ones, we need to change our own mindset and pick up the pieces of our own lives.  

 

“Thankful for those in recovery” means a lot more when it gives us our life back too.  Not unlike our loved ones, our own recovery from codependency is essential for our healing and growth.  Joe soulfully told me that “in the darkness, I found a different version of God.” He is four years into this journey with his son, and they both have four years of healing and growth behind them. With relief and gratitude, he told me, “I am finally coming out of my cocoon.”